21 Fool Proof Ways To Overcome Hurt

The weight of unspoken ocean deep hurt could be felt in the atmosphere as ministry women gathered for a morning in which the total focus was on them. It is a very rare occasion for ministry women to be in a meeting where it is all about them. Mostly it is all about others and not about them.

Ministry women, like every other person on the planet, experience their fair share of hurt. If you have never been hurt then may I suggest you check your pulse! Hurtful and excruciatingly painful occurrences happen. As surely as a mosquito will bite you if given the opportunity so will hurt. It isn’t a case of if you will be hurt but more a case of when you will be hurt.

Hurt arrives at your station both intentionally and unintentionally. Sometimes you see it coming, have the time and the nous to wave it on through. Sometimes you don’t and it flattens you on arrival.

With hurt being guaranteed to happen at one time or another it is essential to gain knowledge and skill as to how to combat it, respond to it, be healed and recover from it.

21 Fool Proof Ways To Overcome Hurt

1. Release the emotion

Allow yourself to have a good cry.

2. Write your response

Write the email and then delete it. Do not, under any circumstances, press ‘send’. Too many people have pressed send only to utterly regret it later.  Too many pastors have received hurtful, spiteful, cutting, have a go at you emails from disgruntled congrants who have lacked the courage for an eye to eye conversation.

It is significantly safer to write in your journal. Pour out your hurt, anger, disappointment and the like. Write all you are thinking and would like to say to the person.

3. Pray

Talk the whole situation through with God. Tell Him the ins and outs; the he said, she said; your thoughts and feelings; the injustice; the poor me; the self-justification and more. God sees from all perspectives and understands.

(Phil 4:6)

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4. Under no circumstances make a vow – I will never…….

A vow is binding. A vow will bind yourself to that vow. A vow made gives permission to shut down or create a no-go zone in an area of your life which God desires to have remained open. Eg. ‘I will never forgive that person’.

(Num 30:2-4)

5. Acknowledge and take responsibility for anything you may have knowingly contributed to the situation

Accepting your contribution to the hurtful circumstance removes the intensity of blame you may place upon another.

6. Talk to your spouse, a friend or trusted person

Verbalising your pain, reasoning, response or reaction to the hurt can bring clarity of thought and perspective.

7. Pray good things and God’s blessing for the guilty party

It is difficult to think bad, negative, revengeful thoughts toward the person while you are praying good things for them. (Matt 5:44)

8. Bring every thought into captivity

Take control of your thoughts and stop your mind from re-running the incident or conversation over and over and over in your mind. (2 Cor 10:5)

9. Process the effects of the hurt as soon as possible

The longer you leave raw hurt, allowing time to pass and letting it become covered by the business of life, that hurt will be internalised, pushed down into your soul. Left long enough without resolving action, that hurt in your soul will turn sour and produce bitterness.

10. Take time out, give yourself space to heal

Take a day off. Go on a retreat with God. Postpone all intense, pressurized decisions and appointments.

11. Engage in soul refreshing activities

Coffee with a friend, go to the movies, get lost in a computer game or your favourite hobby, do a jigsaw puzzle, play golf, go out for a meal with friends. Do a bundle of things for no other reason than you enjoy doing them.

12. Learn all you can from the hurtful experience

Ask yourself questions, ‘Did I react or respond? Is there something I could or should have done differently? What can I put into place to protect myself from being hurt in this manner next time?’

13. Eat chocolate

Eat lots of chocolate.

14. Exercise out the anger, frustration or stress

Go for a walk, go to exercise class or the gym, vacuum the house, do something physically energetic. This will work out and release the intense emotion you are feeling in an acceptable and non-harmful manner.

15. God time

Come aside to rest in His presence, snuggle under the shadow of the Almighty, allow Holy Spirit to be your comforter. During this time He will restore your soul. (Ps 91:1; John 14:16)

16. Forgive

Always forgive. To forgive is not an option, it is a given. Forgive the person or persons responsible for your hurt, otherwise it will hinder the flow of forgiveness from God to you.

Make the decision to forgive and over time the corresponding feelings will catch up with the decision you have made to forgive.

(Eph 4:31,32; Matt 6:14,15)

17. Adjust contact and/or relationship with the offending person as needed

18. Have the crucial conversation

Often you take offence and hurt on the chin, or you turn the other cheek. At times it is appropriate and essential to initiate a conversation with the person to let them know how their actions or words have impacted you.

When a person isn’t told, confronted or held to account they may continue to think their behaviour is acceptable. Plan what to and how to say what needs to be said, pull up courage from your toes and initiate the crucial conversation.

19. Let it go through to the keeper

If you know the offending person is one who habitually opens their mouth to change feet, meaning they regularly say things in the wrong place at the wrong time and are oblivious to the impact of their words; take a deep breath and let it pass.

20. War in the opposite spirit

Respond in an opposite manner. Bless those who curse you and do good to those who hate you. Perform an act of kindness as opposed to one of revenge. (Matt 5:44)

21. Ask for prayer

A ministry woman may request prayer from her personal prayer team. No details need to be given other than, ‘I am currently faced with a challenging situation’.

Ask a family member or friend to pray with and for you. Also forward a prayer request to your church.

Recovery from hurt is the goal. From your experience can you add to this list one more key to overcome hurt that has worked for you.