6 Ways For A Pastor’s Wife To Avoid Diary Clash Frustration

The diary clash has happened to every pastor’s wife at one time or another. If it hasn’t happened to you yet, don’t feel left out, because it will happen!

A diary clash happens when there is a clash between the church calendar and your own personal, or family calendar.

Some examples of this could be: Your husband has invited a visiting speaker home for dinner the same night as your women’s event; a day of prayer and fasting is announced for the day of your birthday (for which you have planned a special meal and invitations have already been sent out); your husband is oversees on a missions trip and is unable to attend your child’s graduation.

When the clash occurs it is your choice whether to respond or react; hold your tongue or talk about it; internalise your emotions or explode; hide your disappointment or allow it to show; sulk or work it through; forgive one more time or hold a ‘they did it to me again’ grudge.

Eventually I learnt that most calendar clashes can be avoided with a little planning.

6 Ways for a pastor’s wife to avoid diary clash frustrations:

1. Colour code the dates of important family happenings on the very first draft of the church calendar for the coming months or the new year.

2. Place your annual holidays on the church calendar first and then work church events, guest speakers etc around them.

3. Ensure your husband's PA has a copy of all dates, including your birthday and wedding anniversary, to include in her/his diary as a backup reminder.

4. Include yourself in most, or all, calendar planning meetings.

5. Be comfortable within yourself, when appropriate, to not attend the church whatever which has clashed with your calendar.

6. On occasion, stand your ground, and let the church calendar be the one to move.

When a calendar clash does happen:

Manage your emotions when you feel like that which is important to you is not valued, or you feel you are taking second place to the church, by pressing into the grace of God.

Forgive your husband, or whoever, and release all your responsive or reactionary feelings and tears to God.

Talk with your husband about how you felt, and the impact of the church taking priority in this diary clash, has had on yourself and/or a family member.