7 Ways To Avoid Crushing Disappointment

A pastor's wife phoned me recently in tears. The previous Sunday her church had celebrated their tenth birthday since the church’s commencement and she had been shattered in her disappointment of the day.

This pastor couple planted the church and have grown a healthy flourishing church with a local and global mission focus.

When it came to the planning phase for the celebration she and her husband decided to leave the planning and event preparation for the celebration Sunday service to their organising team and had taken a hands-off approach.

They were both feeling a little awkward and embarrassed to be involved because a major part of the celebration would involve an honouring of themselves.

Also they believed their team, who although they were part time volunteers, had a sufficient knowledge of the church’s history and that which had been achieved in the past ten years.

They had confidence in their team’s ability to organise the celebratory service for them.

The team did their best and the service was considered a huge success by everyone present, including the pastor.

From the pastor’s wife’s perspective, the focus of the morning was centred on the pastor, the leadership he had given and the achievements he had accomplished.

Through her tears this pastor's wife told me how she had driven home from the service, with her children, having a deep sense of disappointment, feeling dishonoured, and undervalued.

She had an ache which rose from deep within and was asking herself questions like, ‘What about me, Lord?

Am I really just a shadow in the background, a support, an unseen and unrecognized one who does all the stuff that needs to be done or that no one else wants to do?

All that effort, all that sacrifice, all that putting the church first and myself second, was it not noticed or appreciated enough by anyone for them to acknowledge me for it?’

I think it eased the pain just a smidgen for her when I told her she was not alone and had just joined the club of disappointed pastors' wives, myself included, who had at one time or another felt as she was feeling at this present moment.

She fully knew in her heart of hearts that her God saw and appreciated everything she did for Him and His people whom He had entrusted into their care - but it didn't help the deep sense of hurt she was feeling right then.

Seven Ways To Avoid Crushing Disappointment

When planning for a celebration event for your church which will include an honouring of you, the pastor couple, here are seven ways to avoid the celebration disappointment.

1. Lead or take a key role in the celebration organising team or work closely with your event coordinator.

2. Acknowledge the reality that your staff or volunteer key team may have little or no understanding of the history of your church. Therefore collate a record, in advance, of the history of your church; including dates, events, achievements, monumental happenings and the like, for the team to reference.

3. Acknowledge that your organising team may have little or no comprehension of the sacrifices both pastor and wife have made over the years as you have wholeheartedly given yourselves to the call of God to pastor this church. Therefore collate a record of achievements and happenings in the life of your church which the pastor couple have achieved together, and also which you have individually achieved and accomplished for the team to reference.

4. Be very clear to make known the content you desire to have included in the celebration service.

5. Provide the team with a list of fellow pastors and wives and influential people who have played a significant role in your personal ministry lives and also in the life of the church. An invitation to attend the service or provide a video message to then be forwarded to them.

6. Allow space for the organising team’s creativity and any desired element of surprise they may like to include.

7. Be upfront with the team in relation to your expectations regarding an appropriate gift for yourselves. You may like to refer them to my husband, John Finkelde at Grow a Healthy Church who has experience in dealing with this specifically tricky part of honouring a pastor couple.

By putting into place these few suggested actions they will enable you to enjoy your, and your church’s celebration service to the fullest and avoid any crushing disappointment.