Should A Pastor Officiate At His Child’s Wedding?
‘Who gives this man to be married to this woman’ - and who sits by herself on the front row? This is the story of a mother of the groom and also is a situation faced by many a pastor’s wife whose husband is the officiating minister at the wedding of their child.
‘I had always envisioned my pastor husband and myself at our son’s wedding, sitting side by side on the front row of the church, holding hands and cuddled close.
We would look at our son standing at the altar so tall and handsome. He would be looking into the eyes of the beautiful young woman he had chosen to journey the rest of his life with.
We were so happy and so proud.
But that was not to be. I felt so disappointed and alone. ‘Sit with your mother’, they had said. I don’t want to sit with my mother, I want to sit with my husband.
On the front row, there’s an empty seat beside me, who will sit there?
A substitute, not my husband.
Not the one who had joined with me to conceive this precious life now standing before us.
No, not the one who had laughed and cried and prayed with me over the years to get him through to his adult life healthy and whole, a young man full of possibility and potential.
Whose hand am I going to squeeze, whose eyes am I going to look mistily into?
Who will squeeze my hand in return and snuggle close, sensing my need of comfort and support.
Not my husband.
My husband will be living one of the highlights of his entire life, so totally chuffed and proud. He will be the one to pass the gold band of love to his son, who will place it on the finger of his bride.
He will be the one to lead them in the exchange of commitment vows and pronounce them husband and wife.
Do I want to deny him that moment?
No, I definitely do not.
So what do I do? I dry my tears, give my feelings to God and phone a close friend to ask if they would please fill the empty seat next to me.
At the completion of the service my husband joins me, we kiss, hold hands and follow the bridal party down the aisle.