When Your Husband Causes You To Scream At God

It was a bleak winter’s night and the consistent drizzling rain continued to fall. As the car backed down the driveway the headlights shone into the lounge room window, momentarily blinding the toddler who stood with her face pressed up against the cold glass.

She was sobbing and crying out ‘Daddy, Daddy’, but could do nothing except watch longingly as the car disappeared into the distance.

Kneeling beside this tiny form was her mother.

Mother also watched the car disappear down the driveway feeling a deep ache in her heart and tears streaming down her own face.

She raised her clenched fist and waved it at God declaring, ‘I want my husband back. You have stolen my husband and I want You to give him back.’

Margie and Jeff’s first few years in ministry were an incredibly pressured time.

They had a toddler and a little premature born baby, were on a low income and lived in one of the city’s outer suburbs.

Their one car Jeff needed for work, so this left Margie at home with their toddler and tiny baby with no other means of transport.

Like any mum with little ones Margie’s life was baby focused, on a continual 24 hour shift of availability, plus the added responsibilities that came with ministry.

Jeff was a fireball of zeal working for God and the church.

His focus was the church and this consumed the majority of his time and energy.

Margie decided the best way to solve the problem was to talk with Jeff about his lack of family priority; but each time she endeavoured to do so he reacted badly and accused her of adding additional pressure to his life.

Margie realised, the night she waved her fist at God, that the level of resentment which had grown in her heart against Him for stealing her husband was not a good thing.

She eventually came to see that God was her only source of refuge so she had better deal with her resentment which had built up against Him.

In total honesty Margie poured out everything she was thinking and feeling to her God and asked for His forgiveness and help.

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing when God responded by saying, ‘I want for you to release your husband to the work of the ministry. You have been endeavouring desperately, possessively, to hang onto him and I am asking you to release him to Me’.

It took a little while before Margie could come to the place where she was willing to release Jeff to God and to the ministry.

She was very much trusting the promise God had given her, ‘that as you release your husband to Me, I will give him back to you’.

The amazing thing was, Margie found that as she released Jeff, it also brought a new level of release into her own life.

It was as though a veil had lifted off her eyes and she could now see clearly and with perspective, saying, “God was wanting to bring about change in me before He began to change my husband. And change me He did, working on both my attitudes and motives.”

When the day came a few weeks later for Margie to sit with Jeff and have a heart to heart conversation, she says,

“I found I was able to express myself calmly and with controlled emotion. I was able to talk to him without attacking him or putting him down as I had previously done in the past. Seeing the change in me enabled Jeff to receive that which I needed to say and which he needed to hear.”

In the midst of Margie explaining how life was for her, God gave Jeff a revelatory moment when he realised that in his zeal to pastor the church, his wife and family had taken second place and were being neglected.

That day Jeff made a decision to prioritize his wife and family before ministry and together he and Margie strategized ways for that decision to be outworked into becoming, and remaining, a reality.

Over the years of ministry that have followed since they both learnt these valuable lessons, family priority still becomes an issue every now and then.

Margie and Jeff continue to have regular diary meetings, re-evaluate schedules and make all the necessary adjustments to keep their marriage and family in the place of priority before ministry.

People will be added to the church and people will leave the church on a consistent, continuing rotating cycle.

The permanent, constant, long-lasting relationships which will be with you all the way into your senior years are your family. Guard, protect and highly value them.

(The names of the ministry couple have been changed to protect their identity)